Listening Skills

How many times have we heard, "I just needed someone to talk to" from someone looking for guidance or who just needs some encouraging advice? In that situation, the key thing for us to do is to listen.

 

Here are four guidelines to listening well:

 

1. Don't display feelings of disapproval right away – Sometimes when a person gets an opportunity to open up and speak freely, we tend to let our responses get away from us and they may be expression of  hostility or negativity, instead of allowing the person to express what is going on in their lives without passing judgment. Remember to accept people for who they are and listen to them. Help them grow into what they can be by first allowing them to express their feelings.

 

2. Develop helpful responses to what is being shared – Helpful responses can be verbal or physical. Some authorities think there are only four good listening responses:

 

• "Mmmm."
• "Uh-huh."
• "Oh."
• "I see." 

The best responses in listening are short and contain an invitation to continue to talk. Or a response can also take the form of a nod of the head, an understanding smile, or a gesture of your hands.

 

3. Listen for the sound of silence – One of the most difficult things for you to do may be to say nothing. Silence can be the most creative time during a conversation. Like any other activity, silence calls for self-control and diligent practice. Rushing in to cover over periods of silence may hold up the true thoughts that are being gathered before they are expressed. It may be just a time of building up the courage to make a major statement. Sometimes there just needs to be some quiet time to just think. Though a silence that does grow too long should be broken and a good way to do this is to ask the person to elaborate on a point that they have been talking about.

 

4. Make reflective statements – One important role you can play is to reflect the thoughts or emotional content of what the other person experiences. A good listener is like a mirror or a sounding board. Through "reflection," the one who is sharing comes to know themselves better.

Pick up on the last statement that was shared with you and reflect it back to this person, to let them know you are aware of what they are saying and invite them to continue. Reflecting statements with someone encourages them to keep talking.

 

By employing basic listening techniques in any situation, we will make better use of our time for both of us and the other person. With the Holy Spirit's guidance and these basic listening skills, we will be able to listen and communicate in a worthy and God honoring manner.