Friends

The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 12:26

How do you choose your friends?

And by friends, I mean the real thing—not acquaintances or just those with whom we associate hit and miss in our daily lives. We can and do apply the word "friendship" to many of our friendships, but true friends are the select few we entrust our hopes, dreams, and desires to—they are the ones who know us well.

Isn’t friendship good?

It is if it points us toward God and causes us to know Him more.

When we cling to ungodly friendships in order to gain something for ourselves—even something good like love or security or acceptance—we are, at the core, committing an act of self-worship. However, once we begin to move in a God-centered way, which may, at times, entail separating from friendships, we will experience freedom and a peace that will never be possible otherwise.

There are five characteristics to biblically sound friendships.

1. Truest friendships are distinctive from any other relationship- People in today’s culture are quick to misname acquaintances as friends. A close friend should be someone you feel free to love and with whom you have common interests. Most people only have 5 close friends, one of which is their spouse.

2. Truest friendships take place face to face- Overwhelmingly, most communication is nonverbal these days, but in true friendships no matter circumstances or miles we will try and communicate via phone or visit in person.

3. Truest friendships attaches to the soul- Referencing the term "closest friend" in Deuteronomy 13:6, we can equate close friends to being "soul friends". We decide what is planted in our lives and what is not; and biblical friends are meant to sharpen one another—unhealthy friends make us spiritually dull. Healthy relationships are knitted together, but not entangled together. Entanglements are just that, codependent messes, with jealousies and neediness that can never be met by another person.

4. Truest friendships endure- Reading Proverbs 17:17, we see that we are to love at all times, when the other person is loveable and even when they are not. The highest kind of love is not a feeling, but a willing. Some days it is easy to love them, sometimes we want to kill them, but we have to will [love] until we feel it.

5. Truest friendships are trustworthy, even with a wound- From Proverbs 27:5-6, we read, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." Godly people are not deceitful people. If we have a friend whose words could be trusted and they wounded us, ask what was their motive? Even if they weren’t right about what they said, was their heart well-meaning?

God does not withhold anything good and this relates to our friendships as well. Knowing God more is like getting more of God. As we learn about God, we are receiving goodness. “But as for me, the nearness of God is my good” (Psalm 73:28).

What is good except that which serves this highest calling?

Who are your truest friends and why?

Perhaps there are those whom you consider friends, but in retrospect they indeed are not.